From the view of a social worker...

I have been working in social work as a case worker trying to reunify families for close to a year and a half.  It has been a great, rewarding, emotional, learning experience for so many reasons.  I honestly don't really know how to talk about work when people ask me how work is going, do they really want to hear about everything? How much can I tell them and not break confidentiality? Do I want to worry my parents more?

So when people ask how work is my response lately has been "it's work" or something similar.  After I say these words I wonder does that sound like I don't like my job?

I want to set the record straight.  Yes there are times I'm not a fan of my job and I want to go look for a new job, but I really do like my job and I'm grateful for my job and the lessons that I've learned and the friends that I've gained.

My job has made me that much more appreciative of my family and upbringing.  I feel like I've always been grateful for that, but I'm not sure how much I've voiced it.  My parents loved me and my siblings so much that they put rules in place to keep us safe and not let others hurt us.  I think I always thought in my sheltered upbringing that this was a given and normal, oh boy have my eyes been opened.

I've been shocked at what I have seen and heard of on my caseload and around the office.  There have been days and weeks where I did not know how I was going to keep doing my job, not because I didn't like it or didn't care, but because there was so much to do and everything seemed like a priority.  Needless to say, I could not have done this job without the support of my team and our fabulous supervisor.  My team has changed because the people I started with are no longer here, but I have a new team who is fabulous.  My supervisor and our "fill in supervisor" share there wisdom and experience and now I get to share my experience because I'm the "experienced one" of the rest of the team.  We can help each other learn things we haven't had to do or we're there simply to lend an opinion or a place to vent.

It's been so rewarding to do this job.  Before I started my job I wasn't sure if I would like it and if I did like it I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it.  Other's also weren't sure I'd be able to handle it either because of my emotions, but were supportive nonetheless.  I quickly realized it was a great way to fill my longing to help people.  It has also been rewarding to reunite families and put new families together when reunification is not possible.

This job has helped me grow because it pushed me outside of my box of comfort and experience.  This job has made me more confident (although that is an ongoing task).  This job has made me mature (I hope).  This job has made me think more.  This job has made me more of an extrovert (although at the end of the day I'm ready to be an introvert again).  It shows me I can do what I need to do.

Yes, I have looked at other jobs, but nothing has made me want to leave the job I'm at.  I wonder what I will do next because I'm not sure I can do this after we have kids.  I don't know that I can put in all the energy to my job and to my family, but we will see because I apparently shouldn't limit what I think I can or cannot do because this job has shown me how much I can do.

So when you ask me how my job is going I might not have the words at the time, but I hope this helps.

Thoughts...always so many thoughts...I don't even always know what's racing through my head.
For a long time I was emotional, bursting into tears at a simple greeting from my dad or someone looking at me the wrong way.  I was afraid of losing friends and making new ones.  I've been working so hard on changing and some days, weeks, months, even years maybe are better than others.  People have left my life (some high school and college friends) and people have come in (the best husband ever and some other good friends).  I'm working on figuring out who the good ones are and valuing a good friendship with a few people than having a lot of mediocre friendships with a lot of people.  I don't always have someone to hang out with which really bothers me sometimes, but maybe I need to learn how to love myself and be okay with being alone.  Today I was not looking forward to spending the night alone, but I went to a happy place (target) and ate dinner with some Friends on tv and am now listening to my thoughts and it's kind of nice.  I've also been pinning lots of inspirational pins on Pinterest...

Day by day I'll keep working on myself.  I'm choosing to be happy, strong, and confident.  I know I'll stumble, but I'm learning to stand back up.  No one and nothing defines me but what I choose to do from this day forward.

It's Been Awhile...

Sorry it has been awhile...

I have had a few ideas for a blog idea but I never had the motivation to sit down and right...

One blog idea was about numbers...

Numbers play such a big role in our lives.  Numbers can tell us what we are worth, how much we weigh, what size we are, where we are, what we have done, etc.

Women let numbers dictate how we feel about ourselves too much if you ask me.  I know not all women struggle with numbers to the same extent and men also struggle, but why? Why do we let others put worth to the numbers? My sister recently wrote a blog talking about different sizes and shapes of bodies and being your own kind of beautiful.  Media tries to tell women that to be beautiful one has to be so small!

A size 8 is now a PLUS size model!! What is that?! I frequently where sizes 8 or 10 and I would not consider myself to be plus size! I don't mind the way I look and am working on feeling great about my body! Small mannequins modeling the clothes does not help! I loved going to David's Bridal and seeing a size 10 mannequin!

In addition to trying to make myself feel better about my body I had Andrew hide the scale! Stepping on the scale and not seeing the numbers go down really frustrates me and discourages me! Why do we let the numbers mean so much? What we see in ourselves is what should matter!! 

I could go on and on about why numbers frustrate me and at times mean more than they should but this is going to turn into an endless rant...if it hasn't already...

So Much Is Happening!! :)

I've been meaning to write a blog for awhile now and therefore have several topics in mind...

1. VACATION!! I recently spent a week in Hawaii for my parents 30th anniversary and happened to be there for my 24th birthday :) the best birthday present was being with my whole family under one roof (minus Andrew :( )

2. End of the School Year...Andrew was studying for finals during our family vacation and it paid off!! He did amazing his first year of med school getting straight As!! Although he is waiting to make sure he passed his standardized patient final...

3. It's almost like we've been on vacation without leaving home! :)

I've been lacking in work hours (not great for our budget but great for our lives) and Andrew has been done studying and I have been in Heaven actually getting to see him and hang out with him! :) 

This week on our vacation at home we had a lot of fun! Monday we went to Worlds of Fun with our friends. Tuesday and Wednesday were birthday days! :) Tuesday he spoiled me by doing everything I wanted to do...We went to the zoo and then cooled off at our pool and then he surprised me by taking me to the Melting Pot for dinner! I've been wanting to go there since we moved almost a year ago!

Wednesday was his day, but I didn't spoil him as much...we went and saw A Million Ways to Die in the West and then went and saw the Cardinals play the Royals and I got him a birthday cake to eat with our friends before the game. I did however pick the only win of the series for the Cardinals!

This week has made me extremely grateful for quality time!! I have so thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Andrew that I'm trying to not let anything get in the way! It's not often (or ever?) that we've had this much time together since he started school! Now his family is visiting and we are enjoying spending time with them and waiting to spend time with my family! 

I've realized over the past year I have to take the moments when I can get them! Treasure the time we have don't dwell on the time we don't have

I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS

Ohh med school...

My wonderful, awesome, fiance is almost done with his first year of med school!! He has done an awesome job and I just love to brag about him to our families and friends who are supporting us from a distance :)

Andrew would not have gotten as far as he has and done as good of a job as he has without the help of his friends, his support group, his mentors, his peers.  They study alone, together, clarify things, and teach each other.  He has found what seems to be a really good group.  They go beyond school, they help each other unwind and celebrate life.

Andrew and I have been figuring out how to create time for us and I am working two part time jobs and have taken up boxing for exercise and an outlet for emotions.  I've also started volunteering at the Kansas City Pet Project (although I really need to get there more often than I do...).  Even with everything I'm trying to do I have a lot of free time!  Most weekends Andrew studies all day on Saturday and for at least a little bit on Sunday after he's spent Monday through Thursday and maybe sometimes Friday studying...it's never ending!

I would not be able to get through this without the help of my friends!! When I'm not quite sure what I'm doing I can go to my friends and talk to them and we can give each other advice because we understand what each other is going through.  Our lives are not the exact same but their guys are in Andrew's class so everyone is incredibly busy.  They are a great source of comfort and a distraction.  I am so lucky to have found them! We get together to drink, bake, watch movies, play games, go shopping, support one another, and move through this journey of moving away from friends and family. 

While my two best friends in Kansas City are part of our med school journey I also have at least one other friend.  We might not be in the same journey but she also moved to Kansas City away from her friends and family to support her boyfriend.  Sometimes it's just so nice to get together with her to get away from med school.  She is a great girl and I am glad that I found her too! 

I may not have a lot of friends here in Kansas City, but I have learned that quality is much better than quantity!! I am soo grateful for my friends, all of my friends because it's nice to know I have people supporting me from afar!! You girls mean so much to me! So thank you for your support and love! <3 

Dating in Med School

My friend told me that based off the title of my blog I should share what it's like to be engaged to a med school student.  That's what I'm doing I'm sharing the story of my life on this blog.  It's not a glamorous life and nothing terribly exciting, but it's my life and I wouldn't trade it for the world.  

This is my post that really focuses on med school...

Andrew spends a lot of time in school, studying for school, talking about school!  We talk about school and I'm here to support him and be a sounding board for when he needs someone to talk about, but frankly a lot of med school goes right over my head.  I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but I believe he was smart enough to get into med school and maybe I could have, but I'm not in med school he is and I want him to figure this out for himself.  We are both people that have to figure out our own process of getting through things and if our processes are messed with we are thrown off.  I don't want to mess with Andrew's process, but I am there for him when he needs help.  I do push him sometimes to study because that's who I am.  I want to make sure he is studying and getting the most out of class and the opportunities he is given from school so that he can do whatever he wants for residency and beyond.

What I can do for Andrew is help him have fun and relax outside of school.  We enjoy date nights either out of the house or staying in and doing something for free.  Date nights are important for the med student and for the partner.  There is not a lot of free time in med school and at the beginning of school (for quite awhile actually...) we were not focused on our relationship...he was focused on school and I was trying to just be there to support him and understand that he would be busy with school.  I knew (or thought I knew) what was coming because my parents who had gone through this process had tried to prepare me for a lot of busyness.  I want him to do as well as possible because I know how smart he is and how much he wants this.  Some weeks we never saw each other and with our differing schedules one of us would be sleeping in our bed and one of us would be sleeping elsewhere because the bed had been hogged.  It felt like we never saw each other and that little time between coming home and going to bed was not quality time. Finally I had a realization that we needed to focus more on our relationship.  We needed to spend some quality time together hopefully once a week...whenever we can fit it in with our busy schedules.  This has really helped us continue to build our relationship as we prepare to get married (eek!) and has made us happier.

Last weekend we had one of the best date nights in a long time! We just stayed home made some waffles and played games!! He crushed me in boggle beating me by 50-ish points!! Then we moved to mario kart and got a little competitive :).  We had fun laughing and talking and just relaxing! This date night is when I realized staying home and doing something we both enjoyed could be a lot more fun that going out and spending money.  So stay in and have a date night at home! Just don't forget to put down the phones and talk :)

No One Can Love You Like A Sister

So I've been slacking...I've been having a lot of good in my life lately but I was also stuck in a funk for a few days....I have a hard time getting out of my head and sometimes I forget to remember the positive...I need to remember to use the Happier app on my iPhone! Really you should check it out!!

Anyways....

Last week I worked a crazy busy week doing a two day scrub sale in Topeka...I worked 48 hours in 4 days!! How other people work so much in one week is beyond me!! But I do love the job, the friendly people you can encounter, and my co-workers!

This week I started my second part time job as an infant hearing screener! I LOVE babies! :) It's a different job than I've ever done before! I worked retail in high school, I did office work, and I've done day care...but never have I worked with babies who are a day old...some several hours old!

It's a good job and I think I will get the hang of it and like it a lot which is good because it's with a national company so if when I have to move I will hopefully be able to keep the job...

I am so glad I have friends in the area that help keep me a little more sane and entertained...visiting winerys, having movie nights, walking around shopping centers looking at stores when we have no money!! 

With all of this goodness around do you know what got me out of my funk?? My wonderful sister!! We face timed each other and were singing together and laughing together!! Singing gets us out of our bad moods and no one is as fun to sing with as my sister!! I love my sister!!