From the view of a social worker...

I have been working in social work as a case worker trying to reunify families for close to a year and a half.  It has been a great, rewarding, emotional, learning experience for so many reasons.  I honestly don't really know how to talk about work when people ask me how work is going, do they really want to hear about everything? How much can I tell them and not break confidentiality? Do I want to worry my parents more?

So when people ask how work is my response lately has been "it's work" or something similar.  After I say these words I wonder does that sound like I don't like my job?

I want to set the record straight.  Yes there are times I'm not a fan of my job and I want to go look for a new job, but I really do like my job and I'm grateful for my job and the lessons that I've learned and the friends that I've gained.

My job has made me that much more appreciative of my family and upbringing.  I feel like I've always been grateful for that, but I'm not sure how much I've voiced it.  My parents loved me and my siblings so much that they put rules in place to keep us safe and not let others hurt us.  I think I always thought in my sheltered upbringing that this was a given and normal, oh boy have my eyes been opened.

I've been shocked at what I have seen and heard of on my caseload and around the office.  There have been days and weeks where I did not know how I was going to keep doing my job, not because I didn't like it or didn't care, but because there was so much to do and everything seemed like a priority.  Needless to say, I could not have done this job without the support of my team and our fabulous supervisor.  My team has changed because the people I started with are no longer here, but I have a new team who is fabulous.  My supervisor and our "fill in supervisor" share there wisdom and experience and now I get to share my experience because I'm the "experienced one" of the rest of the team.  We can help each other learn things we haven't had to do or we're there simply to lend an opinion or a place to vent.

It's been so rewarding to do this job.  Before I started my job I wasn't sure if I would like it and if I did like it I wasn't sure I'd be able to handle it.  Other's also weren't sure I'd be able to handle it either because of my emotions, but were supportive nonetheless.  I quickly realized it was a great way to fill my longing to help people.  It has also been rewarding to reunite families and put new families together when reunification is not possible.

This job has helped me grow because it pushed me outside of my box of comfort and experience.  This job has made me more confident (although that is an ongoing task).  This job has made me mature (I hope).  This job has made me think more.  This job has made me more of an extrovert (although at the end of the day I'm ready to be an introvert again).  It shows me I can do what I need to do.

Yes, I have looked at other jobs, but nothing has made me want to leave the job I'm at.  I wonder what I will do next because I'm not sure I can do this after we have kids.  I don't know that I can put in all the energy to my job and to my family, but we will see because I apparently shouldn't limit what I think I can or cannot do because this job has shown me how much I can do.

So when you ask me how my job is going I might not have the words at the time, but I hope this helps.

Thoughts...always so many thoughts...I don't even always know what's racing through my head.
For a long time I was emotional, bursting into tears at a simple greeting from my dad or someone looking at me the wrong way.  I was afraid of losing friends and making new ones.  I've been working so hard on changing and some days, weeks, months, even years maybe are better than others.  People have left my life (some high school and college friends) and people have come in (the best husband ever and some other good friends).  I'm working on figuring out who the good ones are and valuing a good friendship with a few people than having a lot of mediocre friendships with a lot of people.  I don't always have someone to hang out with which really bothers me sometimes, but maybe I need to learn how to love myself and be okay with being alone.  Today I was not looking forward to spending the night alone, but I went to a happy place (target) and ate dinner with some Friends on tv and am now listening to my thoughts and it's kind of nice.  I've also been pinning lots of inspirational pins on Pinterest...

Day by day I'll keep working on myself.  I'm choosing to be happy, strong, and confident.  I know I'll stumble, but I'm learning to stand back up.  No one and nothing defines me but what I choose to do from this day forward.